My relationship with My Lady is intensely personal, and much of it is too private to share, for reasons that are probably obvious to anyone who reads this blog. I’ve had to cut conversations in meatspace short when they began to get a bit too close to my actual practices, because I’m just not willing to share what those are with someone who clearly won’t agree.
Too many in the devotional polytheist movement assume that it is a religion and not many religions. I’ve seen others go further and assume that the way things work for their polytheism is the way things work for every polytheism, and then chastise others for being disrespectful to the gods.
This morning one of my friends died, and I feel like I’m somehow responsible because a few months ago I had a premonition of her death. Plenty of books out there will tell you how to develop psychic powers, but it seems like very few of them tell you what the consequences of those powers can be. Do you want to see the future? No, you don’t. You really, really don’t.
So I was window-shopping for my spoiled dolls, I mean, my helpful familiars when I come across an adorable pair of fairywings from Bambicrony. Joren screamed in my ear that she had to have them.
I looked at the promo pictures. Yes, they would be sooo cute on her. I put a pair in the e-cart. $37, which is a reasonable price in the BJD world. Shipping? EMS only. Calculate shipping…(Yaaaay, Joren’s gonna be soooooooooo cute!!!)
YOU WANT HOW MUCH FOR SHIPPING???
The total cost ended up at $62.
My usual response to stress is to withdraw, and others have noted this about me. I shield myself very effectively. Too effectively actually. I call it the “turtle shell.” Nothing can get through it, not even Saraswati. I block myself off from all intimacy and interaction. It’s not healthy, and it leaves me feeling suffocated.
It’s 2016, and I turned 29 a little less than 2 weeks ago. This has me feeling anxious, as I’m living in my parents house at the moment, still don’t have a job or a source of income, and I’ve withdrawn from grad school. Though I’m in the process of applying to another program (one that will suit me much better), I must confess I feel so much despair about the whole thing.
Right now, I’m shut up in my turtle shell, and the only way out is… I don’t know. Stick my head out, perhaps?
My status as LGBTQ+, autistic, nonbinary, and disabled has made me keenly aware that society has a “default” and it doesn’t look like me, even though my whiteness and class privilege makes it far easier to bend things into something resembling a shape I can use.
This guy. Don’t be like him.