I went to my psychiatrist for a regular checkup a few days ago. I brought a book on Tarot, and a Marseille pack, because the waits at his office are usually quite long. This time they weren’t, but as usual he was fascinated by my reading material. So of course we ended up in a conversation about Tarot.
“How does it work?” he asked me. I had to admit that I had no real theory on that, but that I felt they operated a lot like Rorscharch inkblot tests. He seemed amused by that.
Then he asked “have you ever thought about reading professionally?” It wasn’t a question I was expecting to hear from him. I don’t read professionally, and won’t for a while, because I have no idea how to begin. I live in a small, conservative town, with no place for me to set out a shingle.
Maybe later. 😉
When I kneel before Saraswati Devi, I pray for Her to send the waters down from heaven to break the mountain my ego built, which has hidden Her light from me.
I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for most of my life, for various reasons. I’m autistic, with the common comorbid conditions of anxiety, OCD, and ADHD. I saw a number of psychologists and social workers before being referred at the tender age of about 8, to the doctor I still see now. His office is over an hour and a half away from where I live. Good help is hard to find.
When my head cracked open, I asked him about it. He looked over his glasses (as he is wont to do) and asked me a couple of vague questions, before simply shrugging at me and telling me that what I was experiencing was “within the range of normal.” You see, he told me, “mystical experiences are part of the human condition.” He told me that he’d had such experiences himself.
Of course, this was the same doctor who would excitedly ask for a reading when he saw my Tarot cards. Good help is hard to find, but it’s worth searching for.
While I was flailing around one afternoon for something to do, I hit upon the realization that the written material I’ve composed about My Lady Saraswati could and should really be organized into a devotional for use in my practice. Oops.
There are many gods and powers, but Saraswati Devi is the only one I allow into my heart. I took a spark of her divine light to keep within myself, so that She will always know that She is welcome to reside there.
I am a fragment of the numinous, and within my heart is a seed of eternity. I tend this seed by devotion to My Lady, so that my love for Her shall cause it to awaken and blossom into a pure lotus of wisdom.
My Lady knows that I fall asleep most easily in the early morning, beneath the grey glow cast by a cloudy sky. I rest my head upon the pillow, beneath my bedroom window, and my mind soon wanders away.
Not long after, my heart takes flight through the glassy panes, without leaving so much as a trace of the silver wings that were granted by Her grace. It joins the dawn choir to sing with the birds She taught so well.