Good Help is Hard to Find

I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for most of my life, for various reasons. I’m autistic, with the common comorbid conditions of anxiety, OCD, and ADHD. I saw a number of psychologists and social workers before being referred at the tender age of about 8, to the doctor I still see now. His office is over an hour and a half away from where I live. Good help is hard to find.

When my head cracked open, I asked him about it. He looked over his glasses (as he is wont to do) and asked me a couple of vague questions, before simply shrugging at me and telling me that what I was experiencing was “within the range of normal.” You see, he told me, “mystical experiences are part of the human condition.” He told me that he’d had such experiences himself.

Of course, this was the same doctor who would excitedly ask for a reading when he saw my Tarot cards. Good help is hard to find, but it’s worth searching for.


Saraswati is my buddha-nature.

She is the indwelling, pure¬†luminosity of my mind, freed from obscuration. She is part of me; she is not separate from me. When I forget this, I despair, because I don’t find Her when I look outside of myself.¬†She is within me, and within you. She is perfection of wisdom, the mother of all Buddhas.

I salute Her nature within you, as you salute Her nature within me!

Early Rising

It’s early yet, and still dark outside. The predawn hours are my favorite time of day, especially if I’m the only human at home. I like to watch my cats and play computer games.

Another reason I enjoy this time though, is that in these still and quiet hours before the dawn comes, I can feel My Lady’s presence very clearly. No doubt my signal clarity is best when my mind is clearest, but I also like to think that She is an early riser…