The Inner Critic

During my first trip to Japan, Saraswati Devi taught me to ask myself where my thoughts were coming from, to recognize when they were rational and when they weren’t. At the time, this helped greatly with the problems caused by my extremely open head. I could and did get random drop-ins from “visitors” who were not good guests. Being able to spot the patterns in my own brain helped me know when to tell an intruder to kindly fuck off.

I’m pretty sure I need to reapply these methods, as I’ve been sitting with a lot of heavy feelings regarding my spirituality lately. I’ve tried to untangle the knot of ugly thoughts in my mind, but I only seem to end up more tightly bound in them than before. I fret endlessly over whether I’m “good enough” or “doing things the right way.” It’s a cycle of self-doubt that I’ve acknowledged repeatedly, but can’t ever seem to break.

I think it’s time to reapply these methods to my inner critic. Who are these thoughts serving, and are they really helpful? I’ve struggled with negative self-talk my entire life. It’s an intruder in my mind and I’m about to tell it to fuck off. Unkindly.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s