Baggage

Don’t be afraid of me. I love you.

– Saraswati

When you’re used to a deity’s silence meaning displeasure and damnation, it can be really fucking hard to learn that the one you’re with right now is just off doing something else at the moment. When “godfearing” is tossed around as a compliment in your social circle, it can be even harder to unlearn fear of the gods. The past is incredibly hard to let go of, especially when it’s painful.

6 thoughts on “Baggage

  1. I needed to hear Saraswati say this, but for different reasons. I don’t like myself, so it’s constantly a struggle to convince myself that Durga doesn’t hate me (especially when she gives cosmic bitchslaps to stop my self-sabotage), so when I receive any sign of warmth, I just ignore and fall straight back into the “you’re not lovable” thoughts.

    1. I’m really glad to hear this helped you. I struggle with feelings of self-loathing myself, and I often wonder what drew Saraswati to me. I wonder why she stays with me when I’m *obviously* not worthy, I’m fearful that I’ve pissed her off without realizing it…etc.

      When she told me not to be afraid of her, that she loved me, I nearly broke down and cried. It was during an incredibly private moment, so I hesitated to post anything about it, but she insisted that I do so. She was right, as always. ❤

  2. Awwwww. ((Hugs)) I haven’t had the privilege of hearing Durga talk to me yet, but there’s a deity I’m sliding into a godspousey relationship with (I’m hesitant to post his band anywhere public because he’s not well known and that makes me really less anonymous, in a way – you should be able to see my email so I could share it in private) and in the few intimate God dreams I’ve had, it just made me 1) get worse brainweasels, because why is this awesome deity being so passionate with me, of all people; and 2) feel like crying the way you did. 😛

    I’m so glad you had that moment with Saraswati. 💜

    1. ((HUGS BACK)) I will drop you a line some time, if you want to talk. 🙂 Just let me know. I think you’re pretty cool, and I’m always glad to see your comments on my blog. ❤

    1. Absolutely! There’s no pressure either way but I’d love to chat more in private some time whenever you’re free. I’m far, far less advanced a spiritworker than you are but I always find your posts so interesting, and it’s easier for me to say something personal when it’s not on public-Internet space, like about godspousey type stuff of whatever 🙂

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