I haven’t talked much about my personal relationship with My Lady Sarasvati here, but I think I’m going to change that. She is an important part of my life, as much as any member of my family. She has acted as mother, friend, confidante, teacher, master. She has been all things to me since our relationship began, and my heart has been filled with all the varieties of love for her…including romantic love.
I am a mystic at heart. Most likely I always have been. Even as a child, sitting in the pews at St. Joseph’s, I opened my heart to the Divine, and when no answer came – when the G-D of the Christians was silent – the pain was as real as a knife in my flesh. It cut me, for I believed. I believed and I loved and I was turned away.
Mysticism is love. It is yearning. My mysticism is a burning pain when My Lady is silent, and an equally burning joy when I feel her near. The joy and the pain drive me equally to chase Her forever. I have pledged myself to her many times, and probably in many lives. I know I have promised her in this body that I am hers in this life, and in the next life, and in all the lives I have to come. My fate is hers. I give it over to her gladly.