An Open Letter to The Guy Who Wrote An Open Letter to Mercury

Love this.

Magick From Scratch

In response to this letter.

Dear John,

Thank you for your letter alerting me to the problem you have been experiencing with my planetary influences. I am sorry you have been subjected to such a frustrating series of events. I pride myself on responding to customers’ concerns very quickly, so I’m writing back to you upon receipt of your letter (open letters are a fabulous way to reach deities, incidentally) with a brief overview of the Retrograde feature in our product, Mercury, and some guidelines for a better user experience.

The Retrograde feature was introduced in 160 C.E. with you, the consumer, in mind. Our objectives were as follows:

  • To automate reincarnation, so as to free Psychopomp deities to answer a larger number of customer concerns
  • To revitalize and animate otherwise “dead” parts of the soul (such as your ability to feel outrage at daily injustices)
  • To facilitate thoughtful communication and giving you an easy out when…

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