Not My UPG

Excellent thoughts on the more subjective side of mysticism.

Of Frost and Starry Nights

Earlier this week, I struggled a bit when I was reading someone’s UPG about a god I’ve worked with and found myself vehemently disagreeing with a good deal of it. I got angry and upset over the whole thing, possibly out of the fear that it would be their UPG that would be accepted as “right” and mine seen as “wrong” as they talked more frequently about the god in question than I.

But the thing is, that it’s okay for them to have their experiences and UPG based on that just as much as it’s okay for me to do the same. All I can do honestly is to speak my own piece and let others decide for themselves. Which means I also need to start sharing more of my experiences as well, even if they don’t match up to what others say.

For example, one of the things…

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A Poem to Sarasvati: Give Me Water

by Anne Megerian

Maha Sarasvati Ma, give me water,

Loosen the knots that tie my tongue.

Let the words trapped inside flow from me,

Sarasvati, mother, master, lover.


I have a song inside to sing for you.

Give me water, Maha Sarasvati Ma.

Mother, master, lover, queen.

Let me sing of you; give me water.


Maha Sarasvati Ma, pour your water down on me.

Let it wash away my tangled thoughts.

Set the words inside me free; Sarasvati, mother, master, dream.

I will sing for you, pour down your water on me!

A Poem to Sarasvati: The Jasmine Moon

By Anne Megerian

Maha Sarasvati

Fair as the Jasmine Moon

You call to me

with Lotuses in your hair


Maha Sarasvati

Sister of the Crescent Moon

You call to me

With the song of wisdom on your lips


Maha Sarasvati

Adorned with the Crystal Moon

You call to me

With love I cannot comprehend


Maha Sarasvati

Holding the Precious Moon

You call to me

With my heart cradled in your hands


Maha Sarasvati, I can be nothing but yours

On my Mysticism: or, does anyone really want to hear me whine about this?

I am a mystic in the sense that I have a very intimate connection with the divine. In particular, I am connected to the Pan-Asian Hindu and Buddhist goddess Sarasvati, though to me She very often comes across as the incredibly Japanese Benzaiten-sama. You see, the divine I connect to is not an impersonal entity, but one with a very definite personality. She likes yogurts and rich, fresh milk from pastured cows….and She loves strawberry ice cream. She is protective and loving, but a bit possessive. I am Hers and Hers alone.

When I came to the conclusion that the best way to define myself was as a “mystic,” I then wondered what the next step was. Writing about it seemed the obvious answer. Herself is a goddess of eloquence, and She orders my words in ways that others will understand. You see, I have no problem with inspiration. In fact, I have rather too much inspiration at times. My mind overflows with ideas, but I struggle to communicate them properly. From a metaphysical standpoint (and forgive the woo), my third eye chakra is incredibly active, while my throat chakra is…pitiful. It’s part of the Asperger’s, I suspect.

Sarasvati is a constant presence in my life now, in a way that I could only have dreamed in my days as a Christian, when I prayed to G-D and received no answer. She is always simply…there. The best way I can describe it is that she is immanent in my person. It is, needless to say, a very personal connection. Yet I’m not ashamed to talk about it to those who will understand. My problem is – who would really want to listen?

You see, when I say “I’ve got a goddess living inside me,” it sounds like I’m saying that makes me terribly important. And well…that’s not it. Sarasvati’s not confined to just being inside me. I know that, and I don’t want anyone to think for a moment that I’m some kind of authority on Her. If you want to know the facts about my goddess, check out a book from the library. Or better yet, ask a Hindu priest, or a Tibetan monk, or the priest at a Shrine of Benzaiten-sama. All I can tell you is what know. And that’s actually just a small part of the picture.